I didn’t even start typing yet, I’m already tearing up. I wonder how long will I last keeping this tear from falling. 

Spending time at the mall and Vacaville outlets with UncleSam was great. It just made me think more of MY connection with my father. How sucks it is. Maybe its their attitude, their brothers though Uncle is more amaazing. He is more of a not-yelling-person. Who knows how to treat his kids the right way. I do not know how will I explain it, but I guess its probably the fact that he show that he cares, how much he is proud of his kids, how much he loves them and how much he knows how to make them feel that he will be always there for them. daaarn . lucky them right? I love uncle, cause he told me earlier how much he is proud of me, how much he cares. Words that I have never heard from my father even when I was a kid. I was tearing up when uncle was telling Samantha a story when she was a kid, that story made me almost cry, knowing that I don’t have that kind of story because I was never with my dad when I was a kid. I was pretty upset. It also made me think of how much I hate Renedee, because she was the reason of all of this shit in my family. I can write a book of how much I hate that girl, how much she ruined my life. If things really happens for a reason, then what is the reason of all of this? What is the reason why all of this happened? What is the reason why I had to live away from my father and my sister? Because now, I sure don’t have a very good connection to any of them. even though how much I’d really love to be close to them. My whole life, I have been dreaming for a whole family, a complete happy family. A family that is there for each other, a family that is close to one another. Why did this happen to me who cares so much in a family relationship, to me who all I want is a happy family? I feel pretty far away from my dad. There is no connection betweenus. All those awkward, silent ride to school. All those yelling, All those looking-only-on-the-mistakes kinda thing. Damn. My life sucks.